Friday, February 22, 2013

Friends suck....

Today has been a horrible day.  This week has been very trying.  My eyes have been opened yet again at how much friends can suck.  Not all friends, of course.  But there are only very few people in life that you will be able to really call true friends.  I have to say, at this point in my life, I'm scared that all of my true friends have already been made.  And I'm also scared to say that I will only ever be able to count those true friends on one hand.  Five fingers, each representing a true friend.

Source: via Christy on Pinterest

I'm trying to get used to this.  But, I have to say, I do not like it.  I want to believe the movies.  I want to believe that there are people out there than can be the best of best friends.  Those that will be there through thick and thin, no matter what.  I'm having the hardest time realizing that God often removes someone from my life for a reason.  And to think before I chase after them.  I cherish my friends.  I do my very best to be the kind of friend in the movies.  And I keep a very small group of what I consider close and true friends.  I do this to keep from getting hurt....or so I have thought.  Yet, I keep getting hurt.

This week I have realized I am too giving. I try so hard to do for others, what I would want others to do for me.  I have a servants heart.  I get this from my parents.  I was taught that if at all possible, you give someone the shirt off of your back if they need it.  And I live my life by this.  I realized today that I still need to be able to set boundaries for myself, and for my family.  Being a caring person, and being a giving person is great.  But, you have to know when someone is taking advantage of you.  And you have to know when too much is too much.


I feel like God is working with me and my friendships.  I'm not sure if I will ever be done with this lesson, but I sure hope I finish soon.  Every friendship that I have found out sucks, I learn something different.  And I'm thankful for that.  But at some point, I'm hoping that I will have learned all that I can.  I am learning these lessons that God is teaching me, but I have also been shutting myself off from other new friendships.  I am scared to make new friends.  I am scared to give of myself again.  Will I ever get past this?

Source: via Christy on Pinterest

I sure hope so.  Until then, I am going to trust God. I am going to pray.  I am going to cry.  I am going to heal.  And hopefully, at some point, I am going to open my heart to more friendships.  Even though I know I could be hurt again.  This is the meaning of life, right?  To live, and grow, and learn, and trust, and get hurt, and move on?  It is time for me to do all of these things.  And it hurts.  Growing is hard.  But it is needed.  Everyone must do it.  Sometimes we just aren't ready for it.  Tonight, I have to be ready.  It is time.  I just hope life and my heart will give me a few days to mourn yet another friendship that has ended.  Friends suck....

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